First
by makerizzlescanon
Summary: (My first story, begins with a First). Maura and Jane being Maura and Jane. Why is Rizzles not canon yet?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: characters borrowed, blah blah.**

**A/N: I don't consider myself a writer. First time really writing something - felt really inspired by all the amazing Rizzles fics here. (Scared shitless of putting it out there, so please be gentle!). Haven't figured out exactly where this story will be going, so any help/suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading!**

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The first time they had slept next to each other – and really next to each other, not just on opposite sides of the same bed, which happened all the time really – was that night they fell asleep watching that documentary. That documentary about the lost tribes of the Amazon, to be precise, that Maura had picked out and then fallen asleep mid-way through, her breaths evening out and her head dropping lower and lower till it rested on Jane's shoulder. Not that Jane had been hyperaware of Maura's body next to her or anything.

(How could she not be? With Maura in that impossibly tiny, impossibly silky white dressing gown, freshly showered for their Girls Night In, wafting a trail of some flower or the other with every movement, so beautiful even without makeup on, making Jane feel even more of a dud than usual for being in sweatpants and a ratty old tee.)

The serenity of that moment – the TV blaring comfortingly on, the blanket covering them both soft, the temporary slowing down of the swirling world that Friday night – meant that Jane could allow herself to close her eyes for just one second while the commercials were on. And then the next thing she knew, the documentary was long over and late night infomercials were on and Maura was rustling against her, her voice hoarse with sleep.

"Jane. Jane, lie down."

"Maur-"

"Just lie down."

Jane lowered her body along the couch. She could never really say no to Maura, but why would she want to. She was groggy with sleep and nothing could beat this feeling of giving in and stretching out on the couch, when suddenly. Suddenly, Maura's body was flush against hers, wriggling to fit into the curve that Jane's was making. And then Maura's hand found her hand, pulling Jane's arm around them both.

"Relax, Jane."

Jane exhaled. She had not been aware of holding her breath, but that's what she must have been doing because of how long it took to empty her lungs. She grew braver as the tension seeped out of her muscles, grew brave enough to nuzzle her nose into Maura's hair. That smell. Flowers. Wine. Home. Her last memory before drifting into sleep was of Maura sighing in contentment.

When she woke up the next morning, there was a Maura-shaped dent in the couch in front of her, and the smell of breakfast cooking.


	2. Chapter 2

The first time Jane admitted to herself that she had feelings for one Maura Isles was that time she had woken up in bed with her arms wrapped around said Maura Isles.

There was nothing particularly special about that Sunday morning. They had ended up at Maura's place the night before after separate plans – Maura, a date; Jane, helping her mother buy a TV – and crawled into bed together to catch up. It wasn't until the bedside lamp was turned off that they wordlessly reached for each other, Maura scooting backwards, Jane scooping the smaller woman's body into her own. A tangling of feet, a burrowing of nose in neck, synchronized breathing and they were both asleep.

Jane woke up first the next morning with her arms still holding Maura tight. Just another Sunday morning in a series of Sundays that had started in this manner.

They never talked about it, this recent change in their sleeping arrangements. Usually, whoever woke up first would disentangle their limbs, distance themselves being careful not to wake the other. And that was that.

But today, when Jane woke up, she felt such an outpouring of… something for the woman whose body hers was entwined with. Something that diffused out from her core, filled her with care and concern, threatened to flow out and set in the gap between them both.

It was love.

She was in love with her best friend.

Funny how her gut reaction to this realization wasn't panic, like the few other times she had felt this way about someone. It was, instead, almost a relief to have a name for the feeling, this overwhelming feeling that was uncontainable in the boundary of her.

She propped herself up to look at Maura and drink her in, bathed in the early sunlight of a morning suspended in time – something she never got to do in the hectic whirlwind of their lives. Those lips. Those eyes, relaxed and lidded in sleep. And when she finally let herself look glance further down, those breasts. Smooth and full and perfect and spilling out of her nightgown. Those eyes again, with the faintest hints of crows feet crinkling the corners, those eyes that were now open and looking at Jane looking at her.

That was when Jane panicked. Bolted out of bed, tripping over her feet in her hurry to put on her pants.

"Morning! Gotta go! Sorry! Promised Ma I'd meet her for breakfast, I'm late already! See you later today, maybe? Bye!"

She was out of the door before Maura could let out a confused, "Jane…?"

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**A/N: Sorry for all the angst, had to get it out of my system. (Let me know if it's too purple-prose-y, and how I can improve!) Next few chapters will have more dialogue and characters. Thanks for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

The first person Jane told about her… predicament was Frankie.

She hadn't planned to. It was hard enough admitting to herself that she was in love with Maura without having to say it out loud to another person. It was hard enough acting normal knowing that one slip could cause the world she was just beginning to feel comfortable in to crumble, without having to worry about someone else's loose lips.

But she trusted Frankie. And Maura had been in Springfield for the past two days, and the next best thing after talking to Maura was talking about Maura and thinking about Maura.

Which is what she was doing that Tuesday evening in the park after work, waiting for Frankie to line up his free throw in one of their closest games of H-O-R-S-E in a while. He was up to S and taking his sweet time, when coincidentally (or not coincidentally), she found herself saying with a nonchalance she hadn't realized she was capable of possessing, "By the way, I think I might be gay."

Needless to say, he didn't make the shot.

"What the hell, Jane, that does not count, you can't do that."

"Really? You're going to blame your crap shooting skills on me?"

"I had that one till you distracted me!"

"No way, your form was off."

"You're such a sore loser! I can't believe you'd say that just to win!"

"…I didn't say that to win."

"Oh. Oh, wait, I'm an ass." Frankie ran his hand through his hair. Took a moment to quell the adrenaline rush of arguing with his sister, before gingerly venturing, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"That's what I'm doing right now, Einstein."

"Oh. Right, of course."

"You're the first person I'm telling."

"Really? Not even Maura?"

She shook her head, grateful to be able to hide behind the flush that the past hour of exercise had left on her face. But Frankie could read her too well.

"Is it because of Maura?"

A raised eyebrow. "I'm not gay because of Maura. And I don't even know if I'm gay, I said I might be gay."

"Does this have to do with liking Maura?"

(That's why she liked him so much, he was a straight shooter, would make a great detective some day.)

She didn't even try to answer that. Just looked down and dribbled the ball she didn't even remember retrieving.

"Listen, you know we love you right? No matter what."

"Who is this 'we', Frankie?"

"You know," he waved his hand, "all of us. Me, Tommy, Ma."

"Are you kidding me? Ma would pop a vein if she found out."

"No she wouldn't, we've talked about it."

She looked at him murderously. Exhaled. "What exactly have you talked about?"

"Uh, nothing. She just asked me a few months ago if you were gay."

"And you didn't think to tell me this? Idiot." Punched him hard.

"Ow! Maybe this was why I didn't tell you."

"What did you say?"

"I said I didn't know, that we had never talked about it."

"Idiot." Punched him again, harder. "Did she sound upset?"

"No, she said something about loving us all no matter what. I was pretty surprised. And then she started talking about how even gay couples are having babies these days."

Jane laughed. And then Frankie found himself laughing, and soon they were keeling over, unable to stop laughing at the one-track mind of their mother. A welcome respite from the heavy tone their conversation had taken.

Frankie wiped the tears that were pooling in his eyes. "You should tell her, you know."

"No way. I'm not ready to tell Ma yet, I don't even know for sure."

"No, not Ma. I meant Maura."

"Oh. Yeah, no. I can't. It would change everything."

"Maybe for the better?"

"No way. Have you ever met her, Frankie? She dates rich, hot men. Men. M-E-N."

"So what, you're never going to tell her, just hope she figures it out?"

"No, there will be no figuring out involved. I'll just, you know, get over it eventually."

"That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Just tell her, give her an out if she's not interested, and get it over with."

"No." She was done with this conversation, with the rational advice her baby brother was giving her. "Rematch?"

"Bring it, cheater."

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**A/N: I don't write a lot of dialogue, so constructive criticism would be appreciated. Did I try to do too much in this conversation? Should there be more filler/descriptions in between the speaking bits? Thanks for the reviews so far, they make me feel happybubbly. **


	4. Chapter 4

The first time that Jane felt awkward around Maura was after that conversation with Frankie.

Her interactions with Maura had always felt easy and natural and so it caught her completely off guard when she found herself embroiled in the extra dimension of thinking. Had they always embraced so tenderly after an absence of three days? Had Maura's hands always lingered at her waist, elbow, spine? Where the hell was she supposed to look when Maura changed in front of her, turning her back slightly in a futile attempt at modesty?

But most importantly, would these things change if Maura knew about this whole inconvenient feelings situation?

She couldn't not tell her, couldn't not confess. If anything, to quiet the constant stream of questions and insecurities buzzing so loud in her head that Maura had to repeat herself twice to be heard over it.

"Jane. I asked, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just. Um, I don't know if I'm feeling too well, I should probably sleep at home tonight."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, I think it was something I ate. Feeling kind of nauseous. I'm going to head out."

"Ok, see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, definitely. Later."

But it didn't get less awkward the next day. Or the day after. It was cruel to let Maura keep thinking it was a physical ailment, especially when she kept trying to diagnose it. So Jane found herself doing the unthinkable: grabbing a blank piece of paper and pen and scribbling out a draft of how to tell her best friend she was in love with her.

That was the easy part.

The harder part was finding an opportune time to spill her heart out. Something with a quick getaway for when Maura would inevitably reject her. Gently reject her, mercifully reject her, preferably. Something with finality so that she could get over it and put all of this behind her, this torturous longing, pining, hope.

She chickened out the next day. But then the day after, they were both working late and caught up on their way out and Jane knew she'd never get a better chance.

"Hey Maur, wanna walk outside for a bit, I need to talk to you about something."

"Of course, everything ok?"

Jane's heart hammered loudly in her ears as she led Maura by the elbow away from the precinct. Waited a few blocks before launching into her spiel.

"Ok, um, I need to say something to you, but please don't interrupt me till I'm done. I need to get it out and I'm scared if I don't say it all at once I'll mess it all up. I even wrote it down and learned it and everything. I, um, like you. A lot. Like, romantically."

"Oh, Jane."

"No, wait, Maura, let me finish. I know it's stupid and out of the blue and I totally understand if you're weirded out. But it felt unfair not to tell you because"

"Jane-"

"of how, uh, close we are, and I can get over it, I promise, I just need you to know."

"Jane, stop. Listen to me." Maura was facing her now, but Jane had trouble lifting her eyes to her, it was safer to look at the spindly cracks in the pavement, the bland grey of concrete.

"Jane, look at me."

She slowly glanced up – no small task, given how much trouble she was having just breathing, blinking, just standing.

"Jane, will you take me out to dinner tomorrow? Like on a date?"

The range of emotions that washed over Jane's face in that instant was not missed on the audience of one, who was grateful when the roulette eventually settled on the signature smirk.

"I don't think I can do tomorrow Maura, I was thinking of asking out this really hot medical examiner that I have a crush on."

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**A/N: Author overshare: this is how I told my best friend I was in love with her. It ended disastrously. Don't try this at home, kids. **

**Also: there is a chance this might be the last chapter. Trying to figure out if this can go anywhere without turning into Just Another Cliche Story. To everyone who left a review/followed/favourited: thanks for making my first such a positive experience ;)**


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